Important Update: Cancer and the Comfort of Books


July 31, 2013 by Alice in Readerland

There’s no easy way for me to say this, or even type this or proof-read this without crying, so I’ll just say it: The doctors just discovered a cancer mass in my Grandpa’s pancreas and spots on his liver. They are assuming its Stage 4 Cancer and that they cannot operate. They say that my Grandpa only has 6 months, maybe a year left. He’s so weak already that I don’t know how long he will last.

I always thought he’d be there to help me pick out my first car. I always thought he’d be around to see me turn 18 eventually. I always thought he’d finish watching me grow up.

I’ve lived practically next door to him my whole life. When I was little, he was the one who encouraged me to read on my own; he was the one who taught me tricks on how to break a big word down into little funny pronounceable. Now, he’s the one who picks up my books lying around the house and asks me what they’re about and asks me what I think of them; he’s the one who always curiously listens as I tell him about whatever book I’m currently reading.

He’s a part of my life so much; I dread that one day, one day very, very soon, I’ll wake up and he won’t be there.

It’s devastating.

Now I’m probably supposed to tell you what this means for Alice in Readerland. I pre-write my posts so, before I heard the news, I had already pre-written all the posts for this month/next month and scheduled them to post. So there will still be posts going up. I’m trying to spend as much time with my Grandpa as I can. However, at the times when I can’t be with my Grandpa, like when he’s napping as he so frequently needs to now, or when I’m waiting in the hospital for him to finish seeing the doctor, I’ve been trying to read books and distract myself by replying to comments. I’ve just been trying to keep busy, keep my mind busy, anything to keep my mind active and happier if just for a few seconds instead of dwelling on what’s happening, and to try to keep hope alive that he’ll live longer.  Anything I can do to stop from thinking about it and crying even more. If I think about it too much I just fall apart, which I can’t do right now. I’ve been finding books so comforting lately. They let me slip into a different world for just a few chapters and help me try to forget if just for a few minutes in between paragraphs. Lately, I’ve been rereading some of my books from my favorite series, like Cinder. I’m going to be finishing rereading Cinder soon and start Scarlet next, although I have a feeling that the waterworks are going to come again since I’ll be reading about how Scarlet’s trying to find her grandparent.

I just had to let all of you know what’s going to be happening here. And if you have a Grandpa, give him a hug.

25 thoughts on “Important Update: Cancer and the Comfort of Books

  1. Michelle says:

    So sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your grandpap. I love your blog and ill always read it even if you need to take a long break. You seem like such a sweet girl and this post touched my heart to read it *hugs*

  2. Really sorry to hear that, it sounds like your granddad is a very special man. And he gave you the gift of reading, I’m sure he’s very proud of all you’ve done here on your blog. This was a very honest and moving post, best wishes to you and your family during this hard time.

  3. lipsyy says:

    Thinking of you and your family and sending virtual hugs. Books can be a great comfort xx

  4. DoingDewey says:

    Just wanted to let you know I’m wishing you well in what must be a very difficult time. Sending some more virtual hugs your way.

  5. Bella says:

    Aww, I am so sorry to hear this. I think it is best that you spend lots of time with him. Books are a great escape. I hope that you can find some comfort re-reading your favorite series. I understand that it’s hard, but remember that you always have people to turn to! Sending lots of virtual hugs.

  6. I am so sorry to hear that..because my Grandfather died of cancer and I know what it is like to watch someone you love hurt..and how painful it is. My thoughts are with you!

  7. Take as long of a break as you need. Spend as much time with your grandpa as possible.

  8. I’m so sorry about your grandfather. If you ever need to talk, we are all here. Spend as much time with him as we can, and keep reading. <3

  9. I am so, so sorry. Sending love to you and your family. <3

  10. I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I’m keeping you and your family in my thoughts, and sending love your way as well. If you ever need to talk, there’ll always be someone to listen. <3

  11. acps927 says:

    I’m so sorry, I know how hard it is; last year I lost the last grandparent I’ll say a prayer for both of you and the rest of your family that you will find comfort.

  12. MsJohannah says:

    I’m so sorry! Thinking of you!

  13. {Huge virtual hug} Your grandpa is a very special man, and you have a wonderful relationship. It is so hard to lose someone you love. You go right on putting him, yourself, and your family first. The blog and your audience will be there whenever you’re ready and able to come back to them (us.) Meanwhile, give and get lots of hugs; read lots of old favorites, especially the very comforting ones; and take good and loving care of yourself. We’ll be thinking of you.

  14. My grandad died over a year ago from cancer and books were my biggest comfort. I truly know what you’re going through so send me a tweet or email if you ever want to talk. I’ll be here. <3
    Sending big virtual hugs your way <33333

  15. I’m so sorry to hear that :( *virtual hug*

  16. So sorry to hear that. He sounds like an amazing grandpa and he’s lucky to have such a caring granddaughter. I’ll keep him in my prayers. I’m glad reading is helping take your mind off things. Try to stay positive! *hugs*

  17. Lisa says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather’s diagnosis. Sending you and your family positive thoughts!

  18. OH Alice. My thoughts are with you and your family. My grandfather passed away suddenly a few months ago and whilst we weren’t as close as you and yours are, it was still really hard. Hugs and love – I think you’re a fantastic person.

  19. Thank you so much for all of your kind words, they truly mean a lot and all of your support has touched my heart.

  20. Oh, Alice. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandpa. There really is nothing worse than losing a loved one. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  21. Sunny says:

    I’m so sorry, Alice! Cancer is a horrible thing, but the relationship you have with him sounds wonderful. Honestly, my prayers and thoughts are with you :)

  22. Lottie Eve says:

    Oh, Alice. I’m so sorry! I wish you a happy time with your grandfather and genuinely hope for the best of this situation. I will pray for you :)

    Again, I wish you and your grandfather good memories…

  23. miathereader says:

    My heart goes out to you, Alice. I’ve lost three grandparents to cancer. The first was the grandparent I was the closest to, my Grandmama, when I was 15. I am so proud of you for embracing the time you have with your grandpa. I’m sorry to say that I was too scared of the pain of losing Grandmama, and I withdrew a lot in the last few months of her life. I deeply regret my response. I know she understood, she was an amazing, loving woman, but I wish I had handled it differently. It will be hard, but you will be glad if you spend as much time with your grandpa as you can. Sounds like you’re already planning to. I will be praying for you and your family.

  24. ryan snyder says:

    Oh honey, I am so sorry. Cancer, man. I so hate that word. I think it has taken at least one person we all care about. Although it runs rampant in my family as well. <3 Keep your chin up and enjoy your time with your grandpa. He sounds like a wonderful man and I am glad you got to know him as long as you have.

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